Jaci

I think my cold in finally going away. Only sneezed a couple times today and could actually breath through my nose!

My daughter had a dance competition today. She got a High Gold. Yeah Girlie!

So of course we ate out twice. Needles to say I had some not very diety foods.  I will repeat what I have said before. I am not on a diet. I am on a mission to change my life style, my eating habits my thoughts about food.  The only choice for lunch at the dance comp. was Arby’s so I had the roast beef.  By the time we were on our way home it was dinner time.  My son wanted to go to this buffet place he likes.  He had  spent all day bored to death at the comp. so we said ok.  I did go a little over board there.  I don’t really feel guilty about it though.  I do wish I hadn’t eaten so much bread but I LOVE bread and it was wonderful.  AND I guess I shouldn’t have eaten the carrot cake. I’m still a work in progress. To be honest I will sometimes eat those things.  I have done this sort of thing a couple of times since joining Buddy Slim.  I have made so much progress in my thinking that I can’t feel bad because I sometimes go out.  I just can’t even express how much free-er (how do you spell that??) I feel.  I can now go out and eat and then leave the resturant and be right back watching what I eat. Before, I would have given up as soon as my husband came back at lunch with the fries.  I would have eaten all the fries instead of just a few. Then since I had  already messed up I would have gone back and gotten a chocolate muffin. Who knows what I would have eaten at the buffet. And now I would be playing on the computer eating something terrible for me.  I would have had a lot of junk to pick from because we stopped by the grocery store on the way home.  I would have filled my cart with goodies.  Since I had already blown it why not get what I wanted.  Of course since I would have gotten several different things tomorrow would have been blown too. My “thinking” was worse than my “eating”.  I just can’t even express how different my thinking is now.  The fact that I was able to splurge but keep it just at dinner and not let it turn into a whole week-end makes me very happy. 

Doing it this way will take me a little longer to lose the weight I want to.  I think that it will be worth it in the long run.  Thru  the years I have tried every diet out there. Some of them even worked. The problem was that they didn’t fix my “thinking”.  It wouldn’t take to long before I was right back where I started.  I want to see what kind of fathers my boys become.  I want to watch my 10 yr old dancer walk down the isle. I want to have a 50th anniversary party. None of those will happen if I can’t change the way I think of food. 

I don’t mean to sound maudlin. I’m not at all.  Fact, my father died at 51 from a heart attack. Fact, I am already taking meds for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a few other things. Fact, my chances of being here to hold my first grandchild depends on my “thinking”.

Didn’t mean for this to turn into a book. I really just wanted to say that I think I am finally on the right track.  My thought process is changing.